


Teach me how to love

by livistotallyawesome



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Karkat has a filthy mouth, dave is an asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 12:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livistotallyawesome/pseuds/livistotallyawesome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave still doesn't understand the quadrants, and Karkat's the only one who will try to teach him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teach me how to love

“I still don’t get it.” Dave pushed his glasses up his nose, frowning. 

In front of him sat Karkat with a piece of paper split into four parts. He was trying to explain troll romance…and failing at it. Again. 

“Are you even listening to a word I’m fucking saying you useless shithead?” Karkat growled, gripping the paper so tightly that it tore a little. 

“Yeah, I just don’t understand,” Dave shrugged and sat back in his chair, putting his feet up on the table. Karkat pushed them off. 

“Then pay fucking attention. I’m going to explain this one more time and then you’re on your fucking own. See if I give a shit.” 

“You seem like you’re giving a few shits right now,”

“Shut. The fuck. Up.” Karkat said through gritted teeth. “Okay, I’m going to try and dumb this down so that even your stupid human brain will understand.”

Karkat got out of his seat and walked over to the other side of the room towards a pile of Terezi’s scalemates. He picked up four in different colours and came back, dropping them on the table. 

“Name them.” He ordered, folding his arms. 

“What?”

“Fucking. Name them.” 

Dave shrugged and picked up the red one.

“Dave,”

Karkat sighed.

“You can’t name them after real people you fuckass.” 

“Why not?”

“Because,” Karkat said, wrenching the scalemate away from him, “it makes shit complicated.”

“Tough. I want that one to be called Dave.”

“Fine, whatever you fucking idiot.” Karkat rolled his eyes and gestured for him to name the other two. 

He named the blue one ‘John’, the pink one ‘Rose’, and the black one ‘Karkat’, much to his namesake’s annoyance. 

But arguing was tiring, and Karkat gave no fucks anymore, apart from the ones he gave, so he just sighed and got on with it.

He took the Karkat away for a second and placed the John and the Dave next to each other. 

“Let’s start with the Moirallegiance,” he began, “John and Dave are morails. This type of romance is really fucking simple. They are friends. They calm each other down. They are supposed to act as a fucking balance. But there’s no kissing and shit. You get it?”

Dave nodded slowly. 

“Do you or do you not understand, shitsponge?”

“I understand,” Dave replied. 

“Good,” Karkat pushed the Dave away and replaced him with the Karkat, “John and Karkat are…fucking shit why the fuck did you have to give them our names you feculent shithole?!” 

Dave just smirked in response. 

“I will make it my personal mission to fucking kill you after this,” Karkat pointed at the scalemates again. “John and Karkat are matesprits.”

Dave chuckled and Karkat threw Dave at him, hitting him in the face. 

“You fucking did this on purpose, shitrinser!” 

“Hey man, you could’ve made Karkat and John morails, and John and Dave could’ve been matesprits, but you didn’t. If I were Rose, I’d say this was all your subconscious talking.” Dave picked up Dave and put him back on the table, away from Karkat and John. 

Karkat glared at him. 

“Do you get what matesprits are at least? It’s the simplest fucking quadrant.”

“That’s the love one, right? The one that’s love, but also pity?” 

“I’m too tired to even give a shit, that’s fucking close enough,” Karkat pushed John away and put Dave back into play. “Now, Kismesissitude. Karkat and Dave are each other’s kismesis.”

“That’s the hate one, right?” Dave asks, picking up his apple juice from the table and taking a sip. 

“Want a fucking prize, nooksucker?” Karkat scowled, “But yeah, essentially. Karkat and Dave hate each other. They are evenly matched, but they still want to outdo the other. They both want to be better than the other, and they love to hate them. It can get pretty fucking violent.” 

“There’s sex in that one too, right?” 

Karkat clenches his jaw, willing himself not to shout. Dave was still learning. 

“Of course there’s sex in this one you worthless crotchstained barfpuppet!” 

“Ouch,” Dave holds a hand to his heart and Karkat rolls his eyes, pulling Rose into the situation. 

“Say Dave and Karkat weren’t suited for kismesissitude. That’s where Auspisticism comes in.” He points to the Rose between Dave and Karkat. “It’s basically Rose’s job to stop things from getting fucked up here, get it?”

“…See this is where you lose me every time.”

“You mean you understood all of the others already and still let me explain them?”

A smile stretches across Dave’s lips.

“Well, I-”

“YOU GRUBFISTED DOUCHEBAG!”

Karkat leapt over the table, knocking the scalemates off on his way, and tackled Dave to the floor. Dave was laughing. 

“Watch it bro, you’re getting your hate on pretty strong right now,” he smirked, not fighting, “is someone getting their blackrom on for the Strider?”

Karkat immediately got up, blushing and breathing heavily as he adjusted his shirt. It was suddenly very warm in there. 

“Go fuck yourself, Strider. You’re the only pink-fleshed monkey shit that would ever give yourself the time of day,” he mumbled as he left the room. 

“Oh come on, that’s your best insult? I’m hurt, Karkat. I thought you had more hate in you than that.”

Karkat bit back a response. He wasn’t going to give Dave the satisfaction.

But he really did fucking hate that guy.

**Author's Note:**

> Valentines gift for Mandaa xx


End file.
